THE INTRO
Hello mortals.
I am a spooky specter named Brad. Don't worry though, I don't look terrifying, I come to you in the form of a deceased loved one like the aliens did in that horrible Jodie Foster movie Contact.
What happened to Dave you ask? Funny story. Drunk and sugar high after two straight nights of Halloween partying, Dave decided to try saying Bloody Mary three times into his bathroom mirror. It being Halloween night, Bloody Mary was busy terrorizing others. So instead, he conjured me from hell; Bradley Terry.
I told him that to save his soul, he'd have to answer three riddles correctly. He agreed. The first:
"What occurs twice in a week, once in a year, but never in a month?"
He answered the letter E. Well done. The second:
"What does a cow drink?"
Water. Not milk. He thought he was on his way. But then I hit him with the grand finale:
"Three friends are traveling together, and they reach a motel after a long day of travel. The front desk tells them that a room will be $30, so they each pay $10. After they are shown to their room, the manager realizes that it is a weekday and that the group should have only been charged $25. He sends the bellboy to refund them their $5 change. When he gets to their room, they each take back one dollar and let the bellboy keep the remaining $2 as a tip.
So when all is said an done, each traveler has paid $9 for the room ($10 minus $1 returned), which comes out to $27. The bellboy got a $2 tip. That's $29. What happened to the extra dollar?"
His brain melted. His soul was sucked out of his body and through the mirror into hell.
Standard operating procedure requires me to take over for him for a little while. Apparently he does this Dime thing, so now I've got to do it. To be honest, I don't know much about football. But clearly, this idiot didn't either; he took the Dolphins to cover the spread on Thursday. Everyone knows that Brady and Belichick sold their souls to my boss YEARS ago.
THE RECORD
Last Week
Spread "Picks": 1 - 0 - 0 (1.000)
Spread "Leans": 2 - 3 - 0 (.400)
Spread "Coin Flips": 3 - 4 - 1 (.429)
With the spread: 6 - 7 - 1 (.462)
Without the spread: 11 - 3 - 0 (.786)
Season
Spread "Picks": 7 - 5 - 1 (.583)
Spread "Leans": 26 - 17 - 2 (.605)
Spread "Coin Flips": 24 - 20 - 2 (.545)
With the spread: 57 - 42 - 6 (.576)
Without the spread: 69 - 36 - 0 (.657)
THE PICKS
($) - Indicates a "Pick", which is a side that I feel strongly about
(/) - Indicates a "Lean", which is the side that I'm leaning towards
(?) - Indicates a "Coin Flip", where I don't have much of an opinion
* - Indicates Outright Upset Pick
THURSDAY
(?) Miami (+8.0) at New England (-8.0)
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Miami (LOSS)
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: New England (WIN)
SUNDAY
(?) Detroit (+3.0) vs. Kansas City (-3.0) (Wembley Stadium)
You know what, London? Keep them both. Just let us have Calvin Johnson and Jamaal Charles back, they are fun to watch. The Chiefs have at least shown a pulse this season on defense and can to some extent use the excuse that their schedule has been really hard. Detroit... has just been awful. So KC, I guess. (Pick was made before KC's shockingly strong offensive start)
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Kansas City
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Kansas City
(/) Tampa Bay (+7.0) @ Atlanta (-7.0)
Atlanta hasn't exactly been striking fear into hearts lately with narrow wins over Washington and Tennessee and a loss to the Saints over its last three games. But at home against an injury-depleted Bucs team, the Falcons have to get back to their old blowout ways, no?
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Atlanta
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Atlanta
(/) Arizona (-6.5) @ Cleveland (+6.5)
The Cardinals have a golden opportunity to head into their bye week with a comfortable lead in the NFC west and a 6-2 overall record with a win against the lowly Browns. I'm liking their chances.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Arizona
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Arizona
(?) San Francisco (+8.0) @ St. Louis (-8.0)
The 49ers are dreadfully bad, but the defense has picked up its play recently and I still don't quite feel comfortable laying eight points to take the Rams. Not that I want anything to do with this game in any capacity.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: San Franciso
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: St. Louis
(?) NY Giants (+3.0) @ New Orleans (-3.0)
The Saints seem to have turned a corner, and the Giants are the Giants, so who the hell knows what you are going to get from them. A pick on the Saints makes sense, but I still think the Giants are the better team, so I'll lean that way.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: NY Giants
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: *NY Giants
(/) Minnesota (-1.0) @ Chicago (+1.0)
The Vikings have quietly won four of their last five games and are playing some really solid old-school smash-mouth football. The sort of football that USED to be Chicago's thing, but isn't so much nowadays.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Minnesota
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Minnesota
(/) San Diego (+3.5) @ Baltimore (-3.5)
Yeah, San Diego is really awful. And the Ravens, despite their horrible record, have shown some fight this season. This should be the week that Baltimore puts it all together and wins a game convincingly for once.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Baltimore
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Baltimore
(?) Cincinnati (+1.0) @ Pittsburgh (-1.0)
Very interesting matchup here. I'm going with the Bengals out of respect for how well they've played this season and out of fear that Roethlisberger won't be 100% right out of the gate. But this one really could go either way.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Cincinnati
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: *Cincinnati
(/) Tennessee (+3.5) @ Houston (-3.5)
Can we send these two to London, too? Houston's offense has shown some actual promise of late, and at home against the Titans, even this horrible defense should at least have a chance.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Houston
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Houston
(?) NY Jets (-3.0) @ Oakland (+3.0)
The Oakland Raiders are 1-10 straight up and against the spread in their last 11 games coming off of an upset win. This team hasn't built on momentum in over a decade. The Jets are beatable, but they are the better team, and I still don't know if the Raiders are ready to make that leap. I hope they are, but I don't think they are.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: NY Jets
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: NY Jets
($) Seattle (-4.0) @ Dallas (+4.0)
Seattle's struggles on offense make this a slightly scary pick, but this is a great matchup for the Seahawks. Seattle preys on teams with bad passing attacks, and Dallas's is laughably bad with Tony Romo on the shelf. Look for a turnover laden day and a fifth straight loss for the Cowboys.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Seattle
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Seattle
(/) Green Bay (-2.5) @ Denver (+2.5)
It doesn't get much better than this in the regular season. Two undefeated teams both coming off of a bye week to prepare. In what seems like a pretty even matchup between two great teams, the tiebreaker to me goes to the quarterback position; where Green Bay has a pretty huge edge at this moment in time.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Green Bay
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: Green Bay
MONDAY
(/) Indianapolis (+6.5) @ Carolina (-6.5)
Hats off to Carolina for proving they are the real deal over the last few weeks. I do think the Panthers are the superior team, but I also think that Andrew Luck is long overdue for an excellent game and some last-quarter magic. I'm thinking it comes in the upset this Monday night.
PICK WITH THE SPREAD: Indianapolis
PICK WITHOUT THE SPREAD: *Indianapolis
THE COLLEGE NICKEL
RECORD: 23 – 20 – 2 (.535)
USC -6.0 (PUSH)
Washington State +10.0 (WIN)
Houston -12.0 (WIN)
Kansas +40.0 (LOSS)
UTSA -8.5 (LOSS)
Good luck! Thanks for reading!
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